Awakenings
Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
By Lady Alchymia
Reviews
noylj posted a comment on Saturday 14th February 2009 10:27pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
As I remember from an earlier story, Remus <spoiler removed> Of course, if I am right, that is all I can remember right now.
Lady Alchymia replied:
Not quite, but something like that.
brad posted a comment on Tuesday 10th June 2008 8:16pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
"In five years, Hermione had never let him down, had never ever given up on him" -- attaboy, Harry. Keeping thinking those thoughts. Cancel Chang. Belay Bones. Stick with your 'best girl'. Good lad.
Sigh. I'll stop the H/Hr bias now, I promise. It was the H/Hr *friendship* which sucked me into HP anyway, and that's good too, particularly the way you write it.
I found those paragraphs describing Harry's "paper family" to be very effective, for various reasons. It made his indecision about Remus's reliability and Harry's lack of current family all the more pronounced. Also I was again wondering why Remus had taken off both *after* Harry's third year but also why he had never made an appearance for the 12 years before his DADA teaching position.
"Full lips and a long freckled nose" - gak! You know, the one saving grace of your refusing to put Harry & Hermione together was that you didn't bundle Hermione with anyone. But "a long freckled nose" ... gah. Are you going to pair Hermione up with traitorous "bird in the hand and one in Canada" Ronald Weasley in version 2. Oh dear. I think I have to set my radar down off its most sensitive setting, maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there ...
<long freckled nose>
Nope. It's still there. :-( :-( :-(
I did say I was going to skip the H/Hr partisanship, didn't I? Sorry.
Nice clean ending to the chapter, Harry's started to share his burden and he's forged a new relationship with his new guardian. Lovely way to confirm all that with the new, happier Harry in his new self-portrait at the end of the chapter. Full steam ahead!
Lady Alchymia replied:
Hi Brad,
Oh, I do feel your H/Hr torment, and I'm sorry!
Thank you for your comments on Harry's paper family. Something I do like about Rowling's Harry is that he does have a sentimental streak (being touched by a photo, his mother's handwriting, his father's cloak) but not morbidly so. He places value upon the photos on his mantel, but instead of clinging to the past he is even more determined to make things work with him and Remus.
Spot on about the sharing of the burden being what forges and defines their new relationship. And what's significant for me is that the relationship is paternal not fraternal. Harry isn't looking for another best friend; he's looking for a father.
Full steam ahead, indeed!!
Lady A
Jenifer Winterbine posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 11:10pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
Great story so far. Love the charcoal(almost as much as I loved the music charm in the first chapters of V1 LOL) Marvellous to read fan fiction written in good English for a change. So far I've only noticed a couple of mistakes in word usage. Apart from those two small errors the English is eviable. The sentences flow smoothly,no awkward cnstructions - such as this one. LOL, and no glaring errors of grammar.
My only complaint is that it is taking me ages to read the story as despite following your advice to read V2 rather than V1 I cannot resist going to V1 every now and then to check what I may have missed from that version.
Congratulations; your prose reads like that of a professional author.
Lady Alchymia replied:
Hi Jenifer,
Thank you very much for your kind words. Feel free to pass on specific grammar glitches (goodness knows I commit enough of them!).
The charcoals have always been great fun to write, and they become more obviously plot-critical later on in the story, but I was really pleased in V2 to get the point working earlier that they were tapping into Harry's subconscious whether he wanted them to or not (rather than be introduced as just a cool gadget to draw good pictures).
I suspected people might be tempted to go and read V1, but please try to resist if you can. I'd suggest that when we get to the end of Potterfest, that's not a bad point to just go back to V1 and look at the chapters up until -- erm, goes off to check -- I'd stop when you get to section 17.7 in V1, because there are some major twists after that in V1.
Many thanks for your congratulations!
Lady A
beauty01021 posted a comment on Thursday 11th October 2007 2:11pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
yeah great chapter.
Lady Alchymia replied:
Thank you.
applesollie posted a comment on Thursday 27th September 2007 11:31pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
I am so glad the Black house blitz still exists, now all is needed is the Castle and all will be right in the new version.
Lady Alchymia replied:
LoL, excellent!
Cheers,
Lady A
Infin1x posted a comment on Monday 24th September 2007 3:49pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
While I am not sure if it is a good thing or not you have perfectly captured the broody angsty Harry that made me want to burn the last couple of books.
Lady Alchymia replied:
Er .... okay lol. I throw completely different stimuli at him, of course, but I like to think that Harry in Awakenings has some affinity with the real HP, so I'll take that as a good thing ;).
Cheers,
Lady A
beauty01021 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd September 2007 4:45pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
yeah great chapter can't wait for more so please update again and soon.
Lady Alchymia replied:
Thank you.
PadyandMoony posted a comment on Sunday 23rd September 2007 4:41am for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
This time the changes weren't as evident as the three first chapters but I liked that you kept most of this chapter intact.
And I think the changes worked, I especially liked the two photo scenes. The talk with Remus about the war was good.
Good work!
Lady Alchymia replied:
Thank you! I'm glad you didn't feel the changes very much. There were actually a lot of them lol, but I'm glad they weren't too noticeable. That indicates that the heart of the story is still hanging in there :) .
The photo scenes were interesting to write because it helped focus Harry on looking forward (with Remus) rather than back (with his parents and Sirius) for a source of strength. I'm pleased you liked Harry and Remus's interactions :).
Kindly,
Lady A
Memory King posted a comment on Sunday 23rd September 2007 4:00am for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
Excellent work!
Lady Alchymia replied:
Thank you very much.
Lady A
TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Monday 16th February 2009 2:58pm for Chapter 4 — Transfiguring Things Out
Lady Alchymia replied: