wana10 posted a comment on Thursday 6th December 2007 10:22pm

well, lets see if i can give a review without spoilers this time, shall we? heh.
anyways, frank made his appearance. awesome. he may not be the biggest character but i loved him none-the-less. as for harry and cho hooking up i like it better this time. last time you were creating the harry/secret ship so strongly with such a minimum of harry/cho that it felt forced and unnatural. this time, however, while you have set a basis for the harry/secret ship one would have to know what they were looking for in order to see it, and therefore the harry/cho doesn't seem as forced. well done. still can't wait to see the harry/secret ship though...don't make us wait too long ;)
-wana10

Lady Alchymia replied:

Hey there,

Thank you for your comments about Frank!   He is such a great little character to write -- loads of fun.   I'm glad you're enjoying the Harry and Cho rollercoaster LoL; thanks!!

I hope you enjoy the upcoming changes :).

Cheers,

Lady A

gadriam posted a comment on Wednesday 5th December 2007 11:03am

Incredibly ... nice, i think. The characters feels real and alive, and i believe the flow has improved from the first edition. Thanks for illuminating my night.
g

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thank you  very much, g!   I'm gratified that you can see an improvement from the first version!

Kind regards,

Lady A

Jenifer Winterbine posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 11:36pm

Interesting chapter! Your dialogue sounds real and I liked the introduction of new characters.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks, Jenifer!   I love writing dialogue.   Too much, of course -- there are many sections where I should be cutting it back, but it is good fun to write.

New characters can be hard for people to enjoy, so thank you very much!

Kindly,

Lady A

Jenifer Winterbine posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 11:13pm

Please someone remind me; what is the connection between Remus and all the orchids? Obviously I have missed something earlier on or in cannon - or probably my old brain has read it then promptly forgotten it as it is alarmingly prone to do of late.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Ah ... Remus and the orchids ...

As for the canon references to Remus and orchids (or gardening).   No, lol, nothing special there, I'm afraid.   I just like to think that a side-benefit of being a werewolf would be a good sense of smell (Remus mentions when Bill is maimed in HBP that werewolves do have 'wolfish tendencies' even outside moon time).   So, I thought gardening might be a nice pastime for a peace-loving werewolf, drinking tea and smelling the flowers.

For my story (and partly canon) Remus isn't allowed to hold down very many jobs (due to Ministry regulations against employing werewolves).   For my story, he  is allowed to grow and sell flowers, though the Ministry taxes him to death for the privilege, ensuring that he makes only a meagre profit.   Still, it is something, and he is fiercely prideful about taking money from his friends, so it's a way of him getting some degree of income.   Sirius had given him a bathroom to use as a kind of hothouse for growing his delicate orchids, and when Harry moved in to #12, he noticed the flowers for the first time when Remus was giving him a tour of the house.   When the Black House Blitz happened, Harry had three things he particularly wanted:

1/ To set up a proper conservatory for Remus on the roof, where he could grow more and better flowers.

2/ Move the kitchen from the basement to the first floor (he hated the basement -- too many bad memories).

3/ Getting rid of the mounted house-elf heads.

He also mentioned that a  private bathroom would be nice, but he didn't insist on it.   Hestia Jones was really excited to do something for him, so she was the one who made it so elaborate.   Harry would have been happy with something simple and functional, but she created this really beautiful, complicated, luxury bathroom.

Cheers,

Lady A

Jenifer Winterbine posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 11:10pm

Great story so far. Love the charcoal(almost as much as I loved the music charm in the first chapters of V1 LOL) Marvellous to read fan fiction written in good English for a change. So far I've only noticed a couple of mistakes in word usage. Apart from those two small errors the English is eviable. The sentences flow smoothly,no awkward cnstructions - such as this one. LOL, and no glaring errors of grammar.
My only complaint is that it is taking me ages to read the story as despite following your advice to read V2 rather than V1 I cannot resist going to V1 every now and then to check what I may have missed from that version.
Congratulations; your prose reads like that of a professional author.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Hi Jenifer,

Thank you very much for your kind words.   Feel free to pass on specific grammar glitches (goodness knows I commit enough of them!).

The charcoals have always been great fun to write, and they become more obviously plot-critical later on in the story, but I was really pleased in V2 to get the point working earlier that they were tapping into Harry's subconscious whether he wanted them to or not (rather than be introduced as just a  cool gadget to draw good pictures).

I suspected people might be tempted to go and read V1, but please try to resist if you can.   I'd suggest that when we get to the end of Potterfest, that's not a bad point to just go back to V1 and look at the chapters up until -- erm, goes off to check -- I'd stop when you get to section 17.7 in V1, because there are some major twists after that in V1.

Many thanks for your congratulations!

Lady A

Memory King posted a comment on Monday 3rd December 2007 8:02pm

Great update, the party was a lot of fun. I'm not really liking Cho here so far, despite being a massive Cho fan. Nonetheless, excellent work on this and I can't wait for more. Keep writing!

Lady Alchymia replied:

I'm so pleased to hear that you are a Cho fan!   They seem very rare!   Cho and Harry have a few troubles ahead -- not a lot of smooth sailing, but I hope you'll enjoy the ride.

Many thanks for your compliments!

Kindly,

Lady A

beauty01021 posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 8:40pm

yeah great chapter can't wait for more so please update again and soon.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thank you.

Lady A

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 11:54am

Nice, and glad to see more of this. The party was a fun read, and went like I wish JKR could have done for Harry at least once. Going to be looking forward to seeing how things go in the aftermath of the party, and the Panic Room again.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Many thanks, Wonderbee!

It is fun to indulge in fun and games.   I think that's what draws me to Rowling's writing the most: just the sheer fun and whimsy in  the things she conjures for out entertainment.

Kindly,

Lady A

grovepjp posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 8:10am

I think i read the original but cannot imagine finishing.

Why that is i do not know.

Anyway at the moment it is slow going with not much really happening.

I am assuming you are setting a scene.

Anyway currently it seems to be a stage of healing. You should just be sufficiently Leary of suddenly changing the tone.

Alas, it is very good work.

Some of the things i read screamed at me as it being a personal experience on some level as they were just to real.

Anyway, keep it up

df

Lady Alchymia replied:

It is a long read, that is very true, so I sympathise there,   And my story varies considerably from Rowling in that it isn't an action/adventure story.   This story is really just about Harry's mind -- and me messing with it, poking and prodding it to feel different emotions and seeing where they take him.   I enjoy exploring inner conflicts and character faults and strengths without indulging too much in the glamour of Death Eater action, which can certainly make things rather dull!   You could say I am scene setting for some more intense conflicts coming up in a couple of chapters, but this (the current chapter) is pretty much what the story is like the whole way through -- me putting Harry in socially/emotionally loaded situations and seeing how he performs.   Not for everyone, I concede, but I have fun with it.   If you read the story as a romantic comedy, it might make more sense -- or perhaps think of the Seinfeld-esque 'show about nothing' concept.   There is a great deal of 'nothing' that happens in my writing (and in my life!).   Is ‘nothing’ worth writing about with Harry Potter?   For me, yes.   We already know how Rowling's plot panned out, so (for me) all that's left to explore are the characters themselves (rather than grand solutions to threats of Wizarding World domination), hence taking a spin with the Wheel of Destruction rather than the Elder Wand.     However, all that rationalising does not excuse me having boring bits, so I’m trying hard to make sure that each ‘nothing’ has a point and illuminates some aspect of Harry’s personality in an entertaining way.   I don’t always succeed at that, but I’m trying :).

Lady A

Infin1x posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 3:04am

Very nicely done, one of the better Harry's Birthday Parties I have read.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks very much!   That's a lovely thing to say :).

Lady A

bookaholic_au posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 12:25am

"This goes straight to the poolroom!" - either you watch a LOT of movies or are just rather lucky. That's a quote from a rather obscure Australian film called "The Castle" - everything of any value goes unopened to the pool room (we saw it in English).

A fantastic chapter, but it's beginning to become familiar, I think I read the previous version ages ago and loved it. This is shaping up to be even better!

Lady Alchymia replied:

Hehehe ...   Whilst I do consider myself a very lucky person, the answer is that I did lift that line from The Castle.   Such a top little movie!

Thank you for your compliments!   Yes, it probably is sounding familiar LOL -- I remember you as a reader from the first version.   I'm pleased to see you here on FFA!

Lady A

 

morriganscrow posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 10:41pm

Oh dear! That last bit heralds doom and gloom!
I have to be honest - I dislike the Harry/Cho pairing - but it won't put me off reading your excellent story.
Your description of a teen party was spot-on and most entertaining.

Lady Alchymia replied:

LoL, yes, Cho is quite unpopular.   I appreciate you looking past that :), and your compliments on teen-partying -- thank you!

I really enjoy throwing characters in a room and messing with their heads LOL.   I'm delighted you found the party entertaining!

Lady A

ily.the.cat posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 8:19pm

I liked this chapter. It was really good. Can't wait for the next one... I never can. it seems like as soon as one chapter gets here, I need the next one. Oh well.
Sammi

Lady Alchymia replied:

Glad you enjoyed it, Sammi!

Lady A

PadyandMoony posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 5:39pm

Great chapter. I loved the changes.
This was definitely my favorite passage:
"Mayhem is serious business," Fred declared solemnly, pacing like a general before his troops, "but we know you’ve got it in you!"

Mad-Eye Moody just grunted and continued strolling through the crowd, casually summoning contraband alcohol from disappointed boys’ bags.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks kindly!!

I'm delighted you liked that bit -- I've always been rather fond of the twins and  Mad-Eye.

Cheers,

Lady A  

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Saturday 1st December 2007 5:11pm

Good chapter, hope it gsts lighter soon, soooo many dark kick and stomp on Harry stories. They get old quick.

gunny

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks, Gunny.

Been reading too many post-OOTP stories, hmmm?

Harry at 16 in canon experiences grief over Sirius but then a light-hearted summer followed by a year of mostly teen romance dramas whilst gathering information about Voldemort (culminating in a juicy climax with Dumbledore and the cave, of course).     In that sense, my story is thematically similar, so I’m pleased to say that you’ll be seeing plenty of lighter moments coming up.

You know, I hear people talk about clichés in fanfiction, but if the story uses a teenage Harry and more or less follows the original themes, I don’t know how you can avoid certain story elements.   If you write about Harry in the weeks post-OOTP, then he is grieving for Sirius.   So, when does depicting his grief shift from observing a simple fact to indulging in a cliché?

Musing … consider a common expression like ‘how do you do?’.   It’s not a terribly interesting line of dialogue,  but its use does not constitute a cliché.   Why is that?   Well, it’s not (automatically) a cliché because it provides a basic service in conversation flow.   Similarly, in creating a conversation with a fanfic reader, in picking up a canon point in time and running with it, there’s an expectation that certain elements will get at least a fleeting mention in order to create a valid link between the original and the fic.    

But if you read the same time period too often, then no matter how well or badly written the fic, it may feel cliché by sheer weight of similar stories you have read, but  that can’t be the concern of the writer.   Even if Rowling herself wrote  two dozen versions of book 6 (versions that all pretty much started and finished in the same places), then I imagine even they might become wearying to read.   So that doesn’t leave much hope for we poor amateurs :P.

For me, I simply write about what I'd like to  read about for Harry, and don't spare any thought at all  about what other people might be writing.

Cheers,
Lady A

a_wanderer posted a comment on Thursday 29th November 2007 12:20pm

No more story? I must go back to work?

Aside from a few quibbles about matching word choices to characters, so minor I no longer remember them, I like this story very much.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks!   I'm glad you like the story.   I'd be very happy to hear of particular words that sound off -- it all helps.

Cheers,

Lady A

applesollie posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 9:48pm

Its good. As always my Lady.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks very much!

Lady A

beauty01021 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:12pm

yeah great chapter can't wait for more so please update agian and soon.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks kindly!

Lady A

Memory King posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 11:32am

"Excellent work" doesn't quite cut it for this story, but I'm feeling lazy at the moment. Fantastic chapter, looking forward to more!

Lady Alchymia replied:

Thanks, Trevor!   I'm glad you're enjoying the story :)

Lady A

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 10:09am

Great to see this again, and looking forward to the party, and what happens afterwards with Harry, as well as the way that Elizabeth gets there.

Lady Alchymia replied:

Excellent!   Thanks very much :)

Lady A